Dear Barb:
I am in my early thirties and have been married for three years. My husband and I are really happy, get along great and enjoy being together. The problem is I met this single guy at work and we really seemed to connect. Unfortunately we connected too well. Last week we went out for lunch, had a few drinks and ended up at his place. I can’t believe I was unfaithful to my husband! I feel so sick every time I look at my husband. Ken, my co-worker, says that I’m overreacting and it was just a onetime thing and happened because we were drunk. He says not to tell my husband and to just let it go. Not sure what to do! Should I tell my husband, or do as Ken says and just chalk it up to a foolish mistake and move on? Shameful Sue.
Hey Shameful Sue:
I find it hard to believe your marriage is as good as you say. I doubt you would be so willing to cross the line and put your marriage in jeopardy if that were the case, even if alcohol was involved. For the most part, honesty is the best policy, but in this case you need to be very careful how you handle this truth. Perhaps you need to discuss this situation with a counselor. After a few sessions I’m sure the counselor will bring your husband into the sessions. If you really want to save you marriage you need to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with your husband. The first step to moving forward is to begin looking for new job. If your marriage is to survive, it will not have a chance while you are still working with this fellow. It is possible for a marriage to survive an affair, but often it depends on the situation surrounding the affair and how it was discovered. Thanks for your letter Sue.
Dear Barb:
My 15 year old son wants to attend a “bush party” I don’t really know a lot about them. I am reluctant to allow him to go. He says all his friends go and there is no drinking or drugs. What do you think?
Jill
Hey Jill:
A bush party is held in a farmer’s field or vacant lot. A group of teenagers get together and party. Drinking alcohol and using drugs is definitely a part of bush parties. This is not the place for a 15 year old. Sometimes the alcohol is stolen from parents or an older teen will purchase it for the younger ones. A combination of young teenagers, alcohol, and drugs could be a lethal combination. Also they are trespassing on someone else’s property. Bush parties can easily get out of hand, where hundreds of teenagers end up attending. Consequently, if the police are called charges may include trespassing, underage drinking, and drug use, at the very least. Undoubtedly a fifteen year old does not need to be attending a bush party. Instead offer your son the option of having a small gathering at your home or throw up some tents in the backyard for them. Try to maintain control of your son’s activities for as long as you can, because at some point he will not be asking your permission. At that point you can only hope you have given him a good foundation to make the right decision.
Email your questions to voice@voicemagazine.org. Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality; your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.
