I would like to begin by saying thank you to one of my colleagues in this magazine. Marie Wells, who is always speaking in the positive. The topics range from unconditional love and different ways of seeing the term people pleasing to the importance of life in general and the benefits of discomfort. That being said, the topic choice is not my foundation of gratitude. Nor is it the accessible and beautiful style. Although I do appreciate these things very much, I am most grateful for the challenge and subsequent unveiling of my secret pessimism. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy my life, but I do have a few safety walls in my thinking.
Safety wall number one. It’s too good to be true.
Marie has heavenly, childlike “everything is so totally awesome” vibe. I love it, but for a few weeks I was jealous of it—simply on the basis that I did not allow myself to get too enthusiastic over small things, because my family would look at me funny and strangers would think I’m dumb. That was the story in my head to keep me safe from being hurt. However, I have seen too many good people be afraid to live because of being hurt. It took me awhile, but now I really like her perspective. Especially since I am also allowing myself to ask for help, and just cry when I need to.
Safety Wall number two. People pleasing is dangerous.
This one was the problem of definition and, again, self-permission. You see, for me, people pleasing has always been defined as please, please, please like me! In contrast, my colleague defines people pleasing as acts of service in the form of affirmation. Put another way the difference between anxious grasping and self-assured helping. Even so, I think I will still use a different term.
I have a couple more safety walls, but I would have to go back and think about what Marie is saying a bit more. But these are the two I really remember. I also understand that because of different life experiences in dynamics and other areas my perspective is still my own (Young, 1997). Meaning, my colleague has given the gift of insight but how that plays out in me is going to be different than how it plays out in her. You can give the paint brushes that you use to a sibling, but the painting may be different because of different styles and colour choices. Either way, again I give my thanks.
I am grateful because even though it was embarrassing to realize how much of a wheelchair pessimist I actually was, it got me thinking. Which is something that breaks down walls and gives freedom.
References
Young, I. M. (1997). Asymmetrical reciprocity: On moral respect, wonder, and enlarged thought. Constellations, 3(3), 340-363.
